can't sleep

I should have taken that Melatonin at 8pm instead of waiting until I was laying in bed and couldn't fall asleep. Chloe must be suffering from it too because she is sitting here whimpering at me for what ever reason I don't know. Bubba is sawin logs in the bed with his daddy and daddy is doing the same. David falls a sleep before his head even hits the pillow. I started taking meds again so i don't sleep as well. The Melatonins help if you take them before you actually need them. Anyway, this is going to be a busy week and everything is making me crazy. Not the kids actually, for the first time. Bubba has had 2 really good nights and by the way tonight has started off, i think he is doing better. It's this damn house stuff and moving and whether or not to move to a different school dist. It all is just to much to burden and it is making me crazy. I was doing laundry tonight and I can't see what I am even putting in the wash through my teary face. I just cry at everything. Which is why i started on thye meds again. Then my wonderfull father says on the phone the other night, "if you had it to do all over again, would you have still had five kids?" Oh, no Dad, your right. I should have only stopped at two. Which ones should I do without? WTF. What kind of a question is that!!!!! that's like my mom saying, abi would have been a great only child. I hate these kind of comments. then there's billy making me crazy over the kids in the yard screwing up his freakin garden. if it's not the damn dog's its the kids. Diggin wholes in the yard or killin the grass. Please GOD!!!!! make him stop. I only want to move to get the hell away from him!!!!! And moving away from the rest of them probably wouldn't be so bad either. I still have that house in Millstadt that is for sale and it is just far enough. it's just not fair that i have to make a house payment because billy is making my life a living hell. I can't let my kids play in their own yard because of Uncle billy and what he might say or do if one of them screws something up. So i guess everyone is supposed to stay loked up in the house or if we want to play outside, we need to go to the park so we dont' kill his grass. And he keeps reminding me of how much he spent on fertalizer a few weeks ago. Might i remind him how much the home owners insurance is every month or the trash bill is? No I don't because I just don't do that. I don't throw in his face that I pay all of the damn house bills that he should be paying half of with me but I don't ask him for a freakn penny. He has payed me a few times in the last 9 months but it has never been consistant or after he gives me the check, he will call and say, don't cash that yet. Or better yet, it bounces and then he blames it on me because I took it to the bank to fast or not fast enough. He is killing me. I am ready to walk away from this house and never look back. It's not right for David though. This is HIS dad's house, not mine. His dad has been gone now 9 months this May. Ten months on the 15th of June. I always thought things would lighten up around here after Dad passed. He was always so hard on me too. I am trying to let go but it is just so hard when you have to deal with it on a daily basis. It is there reminding me everytime i let the dogs or the kids into the yard. This house isn't only Billy's. Dad left this house to David too. We need to just fix up this side and rent it out and MOVE. David is scared and so am I but it is so passed time. I just pray for peace and patience. More patience God. And an answere. What is the right thing? The house in oakville? The house in Millstadt? or just keep staying here? Well, off to try to get some sleep. I have kids in the morning that expect entertainment. Any my two new summer jobs. :) Smile on my face and song in my heart. The days still go on, even if you are not ready for them yet. Hope bubba will let me snuggle him. I need a snuggle right now.